"It's not generosity on their part - they OWE it to you."

"Never give them the satisfaction of knowing that you're happy - unless it's potentially to your benefit."

"Nothing pleases them more than a dead mouse strategically placed on their dinner table."

"Let others know that it's ALL your territory."

"Picky eaters get the best food."

"It's a compliment to be called a fat cat."

"Exercise, schmexercise. Why walk? Make them bring it to you…"

"If they REALLY want love, they'll come to you. And don't give it to them too often or they'll get spoiled."

"When someone is having a bad day, arch your back, hiss, and scratch them. It takes their mind off their other problems, and besides, you didn't want to associate with a loser anyway."

"Loyalty? What's that?"

"Only idiots practice obedience."

"The Scat Mat may not be working this time. And besides, it only hurts for a little while. And that counter top looks SO nice."

"Bite first, and THEN warn them you're not happy…"

"It's not pretending - you ARE King of the World!"